This article attempts to answer the question of why men suddenly end relationships without explanation, although there seemed to be no prerequisites for this.
“I dated him for a few weeks. Everything was perfect, without haste, calmly, but all the time I felt that he needed me. Once we gathered with my friends for a concert, and that day it looked completely different. He didn’t say anything, became colder, kissed me goodbye somehow wrong. She felt that something was tormenting him, but he did not want to tell anything. After the concert, he walked me home and promised to call me in the morning. And he never appeared again ”- many women can tell something similar about themselves. Why do men disappear so easily?
Could there be anything worse in such a situation than not answering a very troubling question? After all, it is preferable to know the most unpleasant truth than to scroll through fictional scenarios in your head.
Why does such a thing happen?
- Firstly, it often happens that a guy is looking for a minute of entertainment, because that's what he needs. Gets acquainted with attractive woman, creates a pleasant impression of himself, and at that moment he realizes that he does not need her. Then he silently disappears, and if necessary, justify himself after a while, he says that he urgently went abroad, lost his phone with all the numbers, or a tragedy happened in the family. In some cases, any of this turns out to be true, but not so often. And there is only one meaning in the intricacies of untruthful words - to leave a good impression about yourself, because thanks to this, he himself thinks better of himself.
- Secondly, come across men who are too afraid that a woman, invading their lives, does not destroy the usual course. And this is especially true in situations where it turns out that a woman and a man have too significant differences in lifestyle. For example: a man is a homebody. He likes to spend evenings at home reading, socializing or doing some household chores. A new girlfriend- a party girl who considers spending time at home a waste of time. Her next insistent request to “go hang out” can become last straw. A man chooses familiar comfort in the calculation that new woman share with him his passion for domesticity. In this case, the main factor becomes the reluctance to change yourself, while understanding that the woman "party girl" cannot be changed either.
- It also happens that the negative experience of clarifying the relationship makes you stay away from direct conversations. When in a relationship broken cup, being late for a date or a minor oversight causes a disproportionate storm of female emotions, the man understands that his words about ending the relationship will cause a real Armegeddon. Scorching storm. In this case, a banal defensive reaction is triggered. When a man seeks to protect his psyche (and men also have a psyche) from excessive negativity.
- Parting without explanation still happens in those cases when real reason breakups are too intimate for an open explanation. For example, dissatisfaction in bed. A woman’s disagreement with some types of intimate games and caresses can be a decisive factor for a man, but to say in the face - I’m leaving you because you refuse anal sex - he can’t either. After all, this reason, within the framework of ideas about human relations, looks simply “not serious”. And the man knows that this is how she will be perceived. As a woman herself, perhaps her friends. Not wanting to expose his sexual addictions to the public, the man simply leaves in silence. Or gets off with common streamlined phrases like: we are not suitable for each other.
- However, there is a type of women who make every partner run without a word- This is the ivy woman. This is the one who immediately falls in love “without memory” and wants to completely take over the world around her chosen one. He wants him to spend all the time only with her, and only pay attention to her. Most men in such cases show a defense mechanism, and they simply run away.
Thus, we women need to understand that there are quite a few reasons for a silent separation. But at the same time, men need to know that such silence often hurts even more. They need to remember that a man can be seen by the way he ends a relationship, and not starts them.
QUESTION TO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asks: Lera (2013-05-20 00:09:47)
Good day. My name is Lera, I am 25 years old. Help to understand this situation: met with a man for about two months, then he silently, without explanation, disappeared. But it seemed to me that everything was going just fine, at least on his part ... I didn’t notice how much I became attached to him, I’m going through all this hard ... I didn’t notice any discontent on his part, we didn’t quarrel. He said that he loves, that he was looking for someone like me. He tried to introduce everyone to friends and relatives, planned a future joint future, offered to sign, etc. He constantly came, called several times a day, wrote SMS ... I can’t say that I understand people very well, but I’m not a naive fool with big ears for noodles either. I can always understand when they lie. Yes, and it can be seen in a person when he is happy. And I treated him well. And one day, not very beautiful, he disappeared. Silently. Didn't pick up the phone, didn't answer text messages. Picked up the phone from someone else's number. Naturally, she didn't speak. I'm in a stupor ... I usually anticipate people's reactions and behavior a couple of steps ahead. If a person does not like something, I feel it before it starts to manifest. And here it is ... What did I miss? After all, there was not even the slightest sign that something was wrong. I understand with my mind that I need to forget and let go, but this situation significantly undermines self-confidence ... I feel like a horse wrapped around my finger ... What was wrong? Why did he leave without explanation?
PSYCHOLOGISTS' ANSWERS
Lera, your feelings can be understood, anyone in your place would go crazy from misunderstanding and destroy ideas about themselves and people. I am sure that you are not mistaken in anything, if there is intimacy and feelings, it is impossible not to identify. The only thing that is strange is that the process of getting to know him so quickly came to the desire to "stomp under Mendelssohn" ... it is quite possible that he is very emotional, amorous, hot, and spontaneous acts often occur in such people in life. But such an explanation is still somewhat drawn. It looks like some kind of sudden situation: maybe someone said something like that, maybe he found some nonsense in you that exposes you in something, for example ... and flared up. Maybe his past was suddenly revealed. Or something happened to him. In any case, you have the right to an explanation. Call, or better yet, come to him and ask him to talk calmly. This is a normal adult behavior. You have the right to know what happened. Just behave with dignity while doing this, without snot and showing fear.
Lera, and even if you can’t do this, know that you most likely have nothing to do with it. And don't think you're wrong. They were not mistaken in feelings, it’s just that situations and people are different.
Golysheva Evgenia Andreevna, psychologist Voronezh
Hello, Lera. It is advisable to ask him, even by SMS, what is the reason for his disappearance. But the fact that you blame yourself is an obvious, hasty mistake. Such care is his problem. , the relationship with you was a substitute for other, longer relationships that broke up and injured him. And you were just a tight bandage from bleeding. Therefore, it’s better not to guess, but to ask him. he will say-bad-ask. in what. And then take it to the forum. We will figure out whether this is so, or is this his way of protecting.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd
IN modern world men have devalued their attitude towards women, it is easy for them to quit any. Often they leave without explanation, and then we sit and rack our brains: “What is wrong with me?”. Let's try to understand together.
Men get frustrated too
If you think that only women tend to invent their hero, and then be surprised that the image Prince Charming is not true, you are deeply mistaken. A man also often invents a Beautiful Lady for himself. And if at the same time he keeps a respectful distance from her, like Petrarch from Laura, then the probability of a final break is negligible.
But if he decides to see for himself the great virtues of his beloved - expect trouble! You will definitely disappoint him in something, and then he, saddened, will leave you in search of another, more beautiful Lady. And it just seems that it is easy for men to quit any, not at all. Some men experience a breakup much more painfully. They are so sensitive!
What to do? If you understand that your man is an incorrigible romantic and the reason for his departure is the collapse of his unrealizable ideals,. It's not your fault. It was not you who promised him all this "beauty", he himself invented it. So, let him suffer.
Your own cockroaches
One of my acquaintances left a loved one without explanation. She undertook a little investigation and found out that in the same way he left a couple of his ex girls. Without going into long details, I will say that this interesting man he had his own little sexual predilection: he just wanted his woman to wear stockings with a belt. And she wore pants over it. It seems to be nonsense. But the ladies, not accustomed to this, only chuckled and forgot about his request, not attaching any importance to it. But in vain. As it turned out, it was important for him. In general, my friend reviewed her wardrobe and.
Sexual inconsistencies affect relationships in general. For example, a woman is not enough - and on this basis you may experience internal conflict, which will be resolved by the fact that the guy finds himself another, as temperamental as he is.
Or vice versa. , and a man is enough once a week. And then he, tired of her harassment, would prefer to retire to a more calm environment. There are other causes of sexual conflict, but this is a topic for another discussion.
What to do? Speak out the problem. And then - either seek a compromise, or, before it's too late, look for another man - corresponding to you in temperament and moral principles. Sex is not the area of relationships where everything will work itself out.
There are not enough women
The polygamous nature of men has long been known. That's why . Or even a wife. The worst thing is that you may not know about the existence of a rival until he decides to decide and starts choosing between you. Perhaps his choice will not fall on you. Or maybe not! In any case, such a guy is certainly easy to quit any. Courage is explained by the fact that "A holy place is never empty." Here is a short list of things that could play into his decision:
- you smell worse
- throwing things away
- obsessed with order
- loudly slam the door of his car,
- (can't) play chess
- (not) rooting for Spartak.
What to do? If your chosen one is a Don Juan or a lover of the alternative, you first need to decide whether you want to be the only one or are ready to be content with the role main wife in the harem.
In the first case, it is better to run away immediately, so as not to suffer later. In the second - look for a clue that will not let him off the hook. Press all the buttons - sooner or later you will get to the right one ... Unless, of course, another one is ahead of you.
frivolous relationship
You want a serious relationship like "marry", and he plans only to get along in your hot embrace for a while, until something more interesting is found. If he said so from the very beginning, you have a chance not to get involved in this dreary story. But often men do not show due frankness - and women put pressure on them with all their love, demanding the same feeling in return. At some point, the young man, no longer able to endure such pressure, simply runs away. Because I'm not ready for serious relationship, and frivolous with you does not work.
What to do? First, decide what you want. In the end, if "getting married" is not a matter of principle, then an easy and pleasant relationship without obligations can last for years. Do you have these years in stock - have fun! No? Then it is better to find out the intentions of the partner. Well, at least in order not to raise your hands to the sky with an exclamation: "Well, why?! What did I do wrong?"
hunting instinct
The pursuit of prey captures, excites, gives rise to excitement. - a kind of drug addict who needs a constant dose of adrenaline. When the first bouquet and candy season passes and we give ourselves into the hands of our chosen one, he becomes bored. What used to delight and touch him, now irritates him. You, so cozy and homely, cook delicious syrniki, but he doesn’t come home to spend the night ... The trouble is that he doesn’t need any syrniki, cutlets, or even freshly washed shirts - And this beast goes hunting again ...
What to do? Keep him in constant fear that you are about to leave: fly to Mexico to teach Spanish or go to Antarctica to save king penguins, fall in love with your boss (he has been harassing you for a long time), meet a millionaire… Change your reactions: if last time you were upset when he was too late at work, then next time just don’t wait - leave visit or invite guests to your place. Disappear sometimes. Then explain to him that you visited a sick aunt, but for now let him suffer - it is useful for him.
financial question
Once, a friend of mine came in tears and said that her new friend I didn’t call for a whole week, and yesterday, having met her at a mutual acquaintance, he pretended that he didn’t recognize her at all. She was choking with sobs, and I tried to get at least some information out of her. A friend assured me that everything was perfect with them and she did not understand what kind of black cat ran between them.
Nevertheless, something did happen: during their last happy date, the girl, without giving special significance, asked her lover to add some money, which she did not have enough to buy a card to a fitness club. It was only about a couple of thousand rubles.
As it turned out later (through mutual acquaintances): a man who had already been frightened by a certain mercenary young lady, and not that he was greedy, he just wanted to take the initiative himself in his material spending on a woman. And the most offensive, was ready to do it. But he didn't.
Sometimes it happens that a man does not run away immediately, but holds on for some time and even fulfills the whims of his lady. Unfortunately, we often lose our sense of proportion and begin to believe that our chosen one is obliged to patch holes in our budget. And then we are surprised that he was tired of it and he went in search of a disinterested life partner.
What to do? Change your point of view. Do not assume that your friend has to stand with his wallet at the ready. Or find yourself an oligarch.
Too different
Chekhov's "Darling" is an excellent example of how a woman becomes a vessel that takes in the whole inner world his chosen one. Initially, she does not have a personal opinion, she does not bother with thoughts on the topics of being, but with great pleasure she agrees with everything that interests and worries her beloved man. And I must say, he does it with such boundless enthusiasm and pleasure that a man is literally made happy.And you are not a douche. You read the news and draw conclusions, write original posts on social networks, win the argument and have your own opinion on any occasion ... And suddenly love! And your chosen one also watches the news, but draws completely different conclusions. In addition, he loves football, approves same-sex marriage, reads Erofeev and Sorokin ... The list is already enough to disperse, and then who will be the first to take a step towards a break ... Usually a man runs away. It is common for women to think that they can remake and mold someone as they wish.
What to do? In such a situation, quitting would have been easy from the very beginning. But since everything dragged on and now you are a victim, wipe your tears and look for another one like yourself. But, even having found such, still give him the opportunity of the first word. Well, or come to terms with the fact that your other half will be your shadow. Some people are fine with that.
