The term "go into the cave" belongs to the author of the sensational bestseller "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" by American psychologist John Gray. However, he only came up with a good name for this phenomenon. The very same situation was familiar to millions of men and women long before him. Moreover, according to sociologists, a huge number of couples break up every year for this very reason, not knowing how to behave in this difficult situation.
What does it mean to go into a "cave"?
If suddenly, without any apparent, in your opinion, reason, a man suddenly becomes extremely withdrawn, stops talking, withdraws into himself, and sometimes simply disappears, it means that he almost certainly went into the “cave”.
At the same time, he concentrates so much on finding a solution to some of his problems that he completely disconnects from all other worries and often does not even hear what a woman says to him. He becomes forgetful and insensitive. Sometimes, in order to get a little distraction from the problems that torment him, he begins to do something that requires a fairly large concentration. In this way, he switches his attention from his own stress, for example, to Soccer game, fast driving or an action movie.
In another situation, by going into the “cave”, a man is simply trying to avoid excessive intimacy with a woman when he feels that he is completely losing his independence.
Outwardly, going into the "cave" can look very different. Sometimes he may need complete solitude, but more often it is enough that they do not touch him, do not ask unnecessary questions and do not require any active actions.
Does any man feel like going into the "cave"?
Absolutely anyone! Just the depth of this cave and the time spent in it is different for everyone. A few minutes is enough for someone, and someone can disappear into it for several months. But sooner or later it happens to everyone! With some - extremely rarely, only in the most serious life situations, with others - for any reason.
So do not hope that you will be lucky and next to you will be a man who never feels such a need.
And one more thing... The more independent, strong and silent by nature a man is next to you, the more often and longer his departures “to the cave” will be.
What are the most common causes of male silence?
1. He is not ready to give a quick answer to some of your questions. Since the male brain works a little differently than the female, before giving an answer, a man must carefully weigh everything he hears. If a woman, thanks to her intuition and ability to think out loud, can respond to any request addressed to her instantly, then a man needs time. However, his silence does not mean at all that he does not want to continue the conversation. It's just that he doesn't know what to say. Leaving for the "cave" for this reason is usually the shortest. Most often, a few minutes or, in extreme cases, hours is enough for a man.
2. He is looking for a solution to some of his own problem and to initiate you into it means to admit your own weakness and failure. If women consider it absolutely normal to contact difficult situations for help to relatives, then a man does this only in the most critical situation. For this reason, it is absolutely impossible to predict how long the departure to the “cave” will take. It all depends on the complexity of the problem and can take from several hours to several months.
3. He is upset about something and is in a state of stress. In this case, silence and solitude is necessary for a man to just calm down and pull himself together. At such moments, he does not want to say or do something that he might regret. This reason can also be the reason for men to go to the "cave" for a very different period. Most often, a few hours or days are enough. However, if the stress is long, everything can drag on for weeks and months.
4. Your relationship has become too close, and therefore a man needs to adjust the degree of rapprochement, satisfying his need for independence and independence. In this case, he is like a rubber band: periodically he needs to pull back, so that when he returns, he will get closer to you even more. A man needs such a delay in order to understand how much his beloved woman is really dear to him and necessary. This reason for leaving the "cave" for most women is not only the most incomprehensible, but also the most painful. After all, this can happen at the beginning of a relationship, and at its peak, when you are both madly in love and everything seems so wonderful. And suddenly, right in the midst of this fairy tale, a man either simply disappears for a while or, at least, moves away from you. How can you not panic and start looking for the reasons for such unpredictable behavior! The time of a man's stay in the "cave" in this case, as a rule, rarely drags on for more than a few days or weeks. However, there are also particularly difficult cases!
What is a woman to do?
The first and most important thing is to be as calm as possible and in no case and under no circumstances try to pull a man out of his “cave”! This is the main law that you need to remember: the more actively you try to overcome the emerging distance, the more the man moves away, trying to maintain this distance. And the more actively you try to get him out of the “cave”, the later he will come out of there. Remember that overprotection and excessive intimacy can turn into a noose for a man, from which he will instinctively try to free himself.
In order not to fall into the deepest depression about this every time, you just need to understand how differently we are arranged. If women generally rarely need to be alone with themselves or feel their independence, then for a man this is a completely normal state. He simply cannot do without it.
Remember that the reason for his moving away from you is not at all that you did or said something wrong (although purely theoretically such a reason is, of course, also possible), but in the manifestation male nature. It’s like a natural disaster: it’s pointless to fight it, you just need to calmly wait in a safe place, and then enjoy life again. Otherwise, you (or rather your relationship) may die.
So, here short instruction for women in case a man leaves "into the cave":
1. Do not panic, be calm and friendly.
2. Do not express condemnation and discontent with all your appearance.
3. Do not try to help him with some advice and solutions (if the reason for leaving the cave lies in his problems), but rather just calmly express your firm belief that he will cope with everything perfectly.
4. Do not show hypertrophied care, pity and participation (it irritates a man in such a state).
5. Do not try at this moment to sort things out with him, accusing him of inattention to you, callousness and lack of love.
6. Do something that gives you pleasure - going to the salon, shopping, chatting with friends, your favorite hobby, etc. This, on the one hand, will not cause an additional feeling of guilt in the man in front of you because of his departure to the “cave”, and on the other hand, it will allow you to be distracted and think less about the current situation.
Some advice for men
If suddenly among the readers of this article there will be those very regular visitors of their own "caves", they will certainly be curious to know what psychologists advise them.
Actually, the only and most important thing that women need when men go into the “cave” is to understand that it’s not about them at all. In addition, it becomes much easier and calmer for a woman to endure this situation if she knows that a man will sooner or later come out of his "cave" and everything will again be as before.
That's why psychologists advise men who care about their beloved women not to suddenly disappear or become silent. By doing this, they will not only save a huge amount of women's nerve cells, but also greatly facilitate their return from the "cave".
You feel that your man has become very distant, he is inattentive to you, closed, he won’t call again or won’t call at all, he won’t say good word or generally silent, not interested in your affairs or not interested in anything at all. Yes, what can I say ... He became like an insensitive cattle. Obviously, something is wrong... But what? After all, yesterday he behaved differently. What happened?
Everything, of course, is individual. But! In most cases, the reason for the distance of a man is his seclusion in the "cave". You cannot understand what it means to withdraw into the "cave" and in general how it is possible. How can you become so callous, inattentive, rude, insensitive in 1 second. We women cannot understand this, because we do not have such things. We never retire to the so-called "cave", no matter what happens. Men and women with different planets men and women are completely different.
When a man retires to his "cave", in no case should he be touched! And if we had known about it earlier, there would have been fewer mistakes. But the wrong behavior of a woman at a time when a man moved away can destroy even the strongest relationship.
How women behave when a man moves away
When a man moves away, the first question that confronts a woman is “What did I do wrong?”, And the second is “How can I help him?”.
In most cases, when a man moves away, we begin to hysteria, sort things out, deal with his problems, climb with our questions and advice, get a rude rebuff and start even more. Further on the rise.
And what is the result? A serious quarrel, a wall of misunderstanding and resentment (a woman is offended by inattention and callousness, and a man is offended by the fact that they climbed into his “cave”), and maybe even the end of a relationship, parting, mutual pain and so on.
Why do men distance themselves?
Throwing everything off to visit the "cave", of course, is not worth it. A man may move away for other reasons. But if at one moment without apparent reason the man abruptly moved away, which means, most likely, he went into the “cave”. This is provided that everything went smoothly in the relationship, well, or almost everything went smoothly.
Why did the man move away? Something worries and worries him. But what? loving woman, as the most caring mother, tries to help a man solve his problems, pesters with questions, and, receiving a rude refusal, begins to think that she has been abandoned, that the man has fallen out of love with her or he has a mistress.
A man can be concerned about his problems, he can do this when he wants to avoid excessive closeness with a woman so as not to lose his independence, so to speak, establishes a safe distance for him, perhaps he is worried about some question that he cannot answer in this way quickly as required. There is something he cares about!
If a woman is slightest problem hurries to complain to his girlfriend / mother / sister / beloved, then the man closes, concentrates completely on solving his problems. He stays in his "cave" until he solves his problems.
How does a man behave when he goes into his "cave"?
He concentrates only on his problems and experiences. Yes, even so that the rest around ceases to exist for him. It is we, women, who always remember everything, and do not forget about anything. Men are different.
At such moments, a man becomes insensitive, inattentive, forgetful, like an outsider. To distract from his problems, a man finds an activity that requires a lot of concentration - he switches his attention from his own stress. He finds a distraction for himself, and this is most likely not to spend time with his beloved. This is, for example, a football match, a movie, computer game. The question is, why does a man not want to be distracted and spend time with his woman? Because it’s already hard for him, since he decided to switch, and the woman will start asking why he moved away, fell out of love, what is happening, etc. And then his cherished desire to switch will be covered with a copper basin.
Now, if a man were sure that he could be distracted with his woman, that she would not “cut” his brain, that she knew about his cave, then, of course, everything would be different.
All men move away!
Absolutely all the men of the world move away and go into their “cave”! Another question is that it happens differently for everyone, with different frequency and duration. It is enough for someone not to be asked questions, someone needs complete solitude, with someone it happens only in the most serious situations, with someone - for any reason, someone needs 5 minutes to solve problems, someone something - 1 month.
Whatever the man is, and whatever happens there, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE FALLS OUT OF LOVE! Need to understand that male psychology different from ours. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to accept it.
What should a woman do when a man climbed into his "cave"?
Go about your business, meet with girlfriends / friends, put yourself in order and wait for the return of the faithful from the "cave". The main rule is that in no case should you pull your loved one out of the “cave”. How more woman will try to do this, the more the man will move away!
Being alone with your problems for a man is completely normal. If a woman finds time for everything: both for solving her problems and for others, then a man does not know how. He can concentrate and solve only one thing. And this is not selfishness, it's just the way a man's brain works.
If your man moves away from you quite often, retires to his "cave", then agree that he will warn you, and you will not terrorize him. So it will be easier for you to endure such moments, you will be sure that it is not about you, and it will be easier for him to return from the “cave”. Instead of terrorizing him, being offended, and then nagging him for his distance, tell him upon returning from the “cave”: “I am so glad that you have returned, my love. I'm so glad you've resolved your issues!"
There can be no relationship between two people. simple solutions or one recipe for all occasions. The mutual feelings of each couple develop in their own way, but, nevertheless, a general pattern exists.
In this article, dear girls, I will tell you about the stages of falling in love from an "almost scientific" point of view. This will help you understand the process of developing and becoming feelings, as well as find out why guys leave first. With this knowledge, you will be much more in control of your relationship and avoid most of the major mistakes that push a guy to leave you.
What is the difference between a girl's love and a guy's love?
Basically, the initiators of the termination of the relationship are guys. Some may disagree, but my experience and world statistics confirm that this is indeed the case.
Before proceeding to the analysis of why this happens, let's remember what falling in love is.
Maybe I will be accused of lack of romance, but falling in love is an evolutionary tool that promotes procreation. I already wrote about this in the article "". If you are interested, read this article in full, and now, in order not to refer you to another page, I will quote:
"The feeling of being in love is caused chemical reactions in our body. The intense production of certain hormones explains the feeling of delight that surrounds us. In particular, the level of the hormone dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter, is significantly increased. evocative pleasure. From an evolutionary point of view, this is a very important reaction, because it forces the two partners to spend a lot of time together, making it possible to conceive offspring and ensure the survival of the species.
Girls and boys experience the feeling of falling in love almost the same way. There is no significant difference in the sensations experienced by the representatives of different sexes. The same euphoria, the same "butterflies in the stomach", the same desire to constantly be near, to see, hear and feel the object of adoration. Nevertheless, there are differences, and they are observed in the dynamics of the development of the very feeling of falling in love and in the extent of its active influence on the behavior and actions of a person, which I am going to show now.
I’ll make a reservation right away that the example under consideration is only an “arithmetic mean” sample and cannot be suitable for all cases of relations between a guy and a girl without exception.
For clarity, we present the following diagram:
This diagram shows a period of time of arbitrary length, starting from the moment the man and woman meet - the “acquaintance line”. The colored bars at the top of the diagram show two “feeling graphs” of a girl and a guy. For those who have problems with color perception, these same graphs are duplicated by dotted curves.
I did not observe the time scale, because for each pair it is different and any of the indicated time sections can have a different length - from minutes to months.
Let's take a closer look at these areas:
Plot "A"
At the very beginning of this period of time, nothing significant is happening yet. The guy and the girl saw each other for the first time, got to know each other, their feelings are still “sleeping”, which is indicated on the “feelings graph” in cold blue, both for the girl and for the guy.
The probability of a relationship breaking up (I would rather call it the “probability of a relationship”) is 50%, which is quite consistent with common sense, that is, 50/50 whether something will or will not arise between them. But in this case we will consider the variant of the emergence of mutual feelings.
If you paid attention to the color changes of the “feelings graphs”, then you probably noticed that a girl wakes up interest and sympathy earlier than a guy, and at the “Y” point a girl can say: “I fell in love!”. However, her assertion is not yet consistent real feeling falling in love.
Girls are romantic natures, so they tend to interpret their readiness to fall in love as a feeling that has already taken place.
Further, we are approaching an interesting point "X" (it is marked on the guy's "feelings graph"). This is the moment when a guy can confidently describe his feelings as: “I fell in love!”, And this is completely true.
Perhaps many of you are surprised? But this happens in most cases.
Men fall in love, as a rule, earlier than women, and certainly long before they begin to openly demonstrate it, and even more so, admit it to their girlfriend.
At this period of time, relations have not yet been determined, feelings have not been mutually expressed. This is a period of coquetry, laughter for no reason, doubts - "like / dislike", then - "likes / dislikes" and other "nonsense". Therefore, the area in which section "A" lies is called " Area of uncertainty».
Possible errors in section "A". The main mistake is the incomplete passage of this time period. Some people (especially guys) or demonstrate them clearly enough. Others (especially girls), not seeing clear signals from the guy, also do not dare to meet halfway and “throw a lifeline” to the man in the form of demonstrating their more than sympathy.
In other words, both participants start the game of "who first", but neither of them dares to make the first move. In this case, a premature break in relations with a person who, perhaps, could become the love of your life, is possible.
Plot "B"
At the beginning of this period, the girl finally falls in love for real. Both the girl and the guy are at the peak of love, in his highest point, their feelings are expressed, and the relationship is absolutely harmonious. There are no mutual claims, and partners present themselves to each other as ideals and embodiments of their wildest dreams. Both are in a state of euphoria.
It seems to lovers that they have known each other for almost a thousand years and are simply made for each other. They do not notice anyone and nothing around, there is only "WE" - the living embodiment of eternal and immortal love.
During this period, as can be seen in the diagram, the probability of a break in relations decreases to zero. Therefore, the area in which section "B" lies is called " Area of harmony».
B» . The main mistake is the adoption of responsible decisions during this period: marriage, the birth of a child. The peak of falling in love is akin to insanity, and in this state it is very unreasonable to take responsibility for the future. Because not always the feeling of falling in love develops into love.
As a result, after a year or a year and a half (about how much love usually lasts), you can find yourself next to a person with whom nothing connects you, except for a fleeting and stormy romance in the recent past. But you are already married, and maybe you already have children. The outcome of such a scenario is easy to predict and does not bode well for anyone.
There are practically no other errors during this period. Perhaps the only thing that can happen is unintentional under the influence of alcohol or by coincidence. But even in this case, there is a very high chance of forgiveness from a partner and an offer to start everything from a “clean slate”.
Plot "C"
The period of falling in love with a guy is usually shorter than that of a girl. His body is not able to produce the hormone dopamine for a long enough time, so the state of euphoria gradually passes and his beloved, still dear, beloved and desired, gradually ceases to occupy all the space in the male heart, giving way to small “territories” of other interests - work, hobbies, entertainment , everyday problems, friends, parents, etc.
But, as can be seen on the "graphic of feelings", the girl at this time still continues to be at the peak of love. This contributes to the beginning of negative changes in the relationship. The first quarrels, quarrels and scandals arise.
During this period of time, a man is already able to think soberly, but a woman is not yet. She perceives the guy's exit from the peak state of love as signs of a possible betrayal or a potential departure. She begins to be tormented by doubts: “Maybe he stopped loving me?”. In reality, the guy comes out of a state of euphoria, so it’s quite natural that his attention to the girl decreases, which, however, does not mean that he has stopped loving the girl. Just a feeling of falling in love with a guy begins to be reborn and gradually turn into love. But whether this rebirth will finally happen depends largely on the behavior of the girl.
In this section, as it passes, the likelihood of a break in relations increases due to more and more frequent quarrels, scandals and mutual claims. The more “calms down” the feeling of falling in love with a guy, the higher the chance of a breakup.
By the time when the guy's love finally comes to average level, and the girl is still in her “euphoric” peak, the probability of a breakup is approaching 100%. In this regard, the area in which the "C" section is located is called " Danger area».
Possible errors in section "C". Misinterpretation of the partner's behavior and misunderstanding of the driving motives of his actions can lead (and very often leads) to a break in relations. We will talk more about errors in this area a little later.
Plot "D"
If there was no break in relations in the previous section (“C”), then the couple enters into new period. At the beginning of the "D" section, the girl also begins to come out of the peak state of being in love. Euphoria slowly recedes and the ability to think soberly gradually returns to the girl.
This is the period when infatuation devoid of reason develops into a deeper and more multifaceted feeling - love. The guy begins to notice positive changes in the behavior of his beloved. Difficult experiences, frequent quarrels and scandals are left behind, the perception of various moments of the partner’s behavior loses its sharpness and “angryness”. Unbridled passion gives way to affection, respect, close physical and spiritual intimacy. The guy and the girl literally "grow" into each other, becoming one. This is only an approximate and very primitive description of such wonderful feeling, like love, which (ideally) fully forms at the end of the "D" section. This area lies in Areas of stabilization».
The danger of breaking up relations is gradually decreasing, but the truth no longer returns to zero, but according to logic and common sense, it again becomes equal to 50%. 50 to 50 - will love last a lifetime or in the future can something happen? Agree, we do not know this.
Possible errors in the section "D» . They are well known and belong to the standard category, so we will not consider them in detail now.
When and for what reason do guys leave their girls?
You probably guessed it, we will return to the "C" area, which lies in the "Danger Area". You can click on the picture to enlarge and remember what the diagram looks like.
As I already wrote, as soon as the guy starts to get out of the peak state of love, and the girl still continues to be in it, the likelihood of a break in relations increases, i.e. when a guy leaves a girl.
Not understanding the mechanism of the flow of male love, the girl mistakenly believes that the guy is slipping away from her, although in reality this is not the case. Being under the influence of this false feeling, the girl urgently begins to desperately "fight" for her love. This struggle is expressed in some typical manifestations, which I have already described in the article "". In fact, this is a “shadow fight”.
It turns out, instead of calmly accepting the guy’s transition to new stage relationship and try to make every effort to ensure that the rebirth of his feelings from falling in love into love happens safely, the girl is trying with all her might to “keep” her partner in a state of love, which is impossible to do, because it is useless to fight nature.
Usually at this time, the girl begins to “roll up” scandals and make claims against the guy, arguing her behavior like this: “He stopped noticing me”, “He doesn’t like me anymore”, “He began to look towards other women”, “He is more spends time with friends than with me”, “Work is more important to him than me”, “He doesn’t say that he loves me so often anymore”, “I’m for him ... I’m with him all the time ... so he MUST too !”… and stuff like that. The girl is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, her expectations are deceived and, as it seems to her, the partner has ceased to reciprocate her.
The guy, to whom the ability of sober thinking and adequate perception of reality has returned due to his exit from the state of euphoria, is perplexed and does not understand what suddenly happened to his beloved. He tries to calm the girl, but, as a rule, this does not lead to any positive results.
Ultimately, patience runs out, and the guy begins to enter into scandals provoked by the girl. Mutual quarrels and skirmishes over and over again bring a man out of a state of love faster and faster, preventing this feeling from being reborn into love. After a while, the guy is already thinking about whether he contacted the right person.
Under the influence of the negative energy of scandals, the guy takes a closer look at others negative traits your girlfriend. And he is not inclined to forgive noticed shortcomings, as he most likely would have done under the condition of a normal and calm relationship. Moreover, the impartial properties of the girl's character grow in the eyes of a man to astronomical proportions. Because in the heat of controversy, a woman “saving her love” cannot fully control herself and demonstrates all her “virtues” with full dedication and enviable perseverance.
Under these conditions, the departure of a guy is only a matter of time.
As in the case of a declaration of love, a man makes the decision to leave a girl long before he announces it.
The departure of a guy usually occurs at the peak of another quarrel, but not always. Very often, before leaving, the guy ceases to react sharply to the provocative behavior of the girl. He can also "succumb to provocations", again begin to provide the signs of attention required from him, satisfying women's claims. All this creates a deceptive impression in the girl about the normalization of relations. Although in fact, the guy just decided to leave and does not want to overshadow his existence with new senseless wars, from which he is already quite tired. Also very popular is the veiled departure of the type - "We need to part for a while."
As a result of the above, many girls note the unexpectedness of the guy’s departure, but in reality this does not happen all of a sudden, it’s just that the girl, due to her condition, is not able to notice the “subtle” signals warning of an impending break.
Under the most unfavorable combination of circumstances for the girl, if during this period a new female person appears “on the horizon”, devoid of the shortcomings inherent in his current girlfriend, there is every reason to believe that the guy will leave very quickly, sometimes entering into new relationships, without even having time to break previous.
Yes, men also do not understand the driving motives of the girl’s behavior in the “C” section, but now we are not talking about guys. Is not it?
If a girl shows restraint and the wisdom inherent in women, correctly understanding what is really happening, and can also rise above her feeling of falling in love, calling on a sober mind to help. She is quite capable of leveling all dangers and keeping herself from making mistakes, thus maintaining a relationship with a guy and helping the birth of true love.
FROM THE AUTHOR: My responses in the comments are the opinion of a private individual, and not the recommendation of a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I do not have time to study physically long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also do not have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires great amount Free time, and I have very little of it.
In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not try to use the comments for correspondence or chat, and do not expect me to advise in the comments.
Of course, you can ignore my request (which many do), but then be prepared for the fact that I will ignore yours. This is not a matter of principle, but exclusively of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.
If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact me for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.
With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica
How often do you look at couples in love and envy them? Feel your loneliness when the air is saturated with love and loving people give each other cards and words of love? When people rejoice and fall in love with the onset of spring, does your heart shrink from longing?
For any happy love relationship those who do not have these relationships react sharply, and are not even expected on the horizon.
Why do some women easily keep men near them for a long time, they are valued, they are valued, and if men are attracted to other women, then they don’t stay in their lives for a long time?
Why do some get chic men, smart and decent, while others need to constantly experience the Brownian movement. Let me remind you that Brownian motion is the random movement of small particles. These particles constantly collide with each other, but do not connect, but repel like balls. And so endlessly.
The life of many women today resembles just this Brownian movement. They collide with men, like these particles, but do not connect with them, but, on the contrary, are repelled. They cannot find a mate, and if they do, they cannot keep it. They start from one person, and life leads them to another. They approach and repel again. And all this happens until a woman begins to live consciously, fully aware of her words and actions, until she begins to work on herself.
Do you think that mutual love and happiness is presented on a silver platter? This is wrong. Relationships need to be worked on from the very beginning. It does not happen that everything is always easy, joyful and fun. That everything happens by itself, and you do not need to do anything for this. Even these lovers happy couples, which you see on the streets of the city, before they began to live together "soul to soul", they went through many tests.
If you also want “soul to soul”, then you must first find that very soul, and then build long and right relationship. It is to build, and nothing else. But often it doesn’t come to “alignment”. still at the very initial stage. Problems with acquaintances may not arise, but there are problems in order to continue these relations. Men go beyond the horizon after a month or two of relationships.
Why do men lose interest and leave
There can be many reasons, each case is individual. It can be both disappointment and understanding that you different people, and sometimes just a deception on the part of a man, just to get momentary pleasure. But if a man is normal, serious and, in general, not bad? Why does he suddenly disappear?
One of the main reasons may be the woman's great experience. When she constantly compares him to other men. And just can't help but compare. Her ex-man was more gentle and he kissed better. Her other ex was more passionate and flamboyant. The third knew how to compliment and admire. The fourth gave chic gifts, and the fifth always made unusual surprises.
Often this happens even involuntarily, it's just that all these men are mentioned in the course of a conversation as a kind of example from life. But it hurts a lot alive moreover the man you are talking to this moment! Even if at the same time he smiles friendly and does not at all show that he is unpleasant, inside, when talking about your ex, he feels discomfort. And people don't like to feel uncomfortable and negative emotions they want to experience joy and euphoria. People don't like to be compared, they like to be admired.
Every man wants to believe that he is your first. And even though you are far from young and have a lot of life experience behind you, and, accordingly, you had enough men. Let you have already raised children, and even are already nursing grandchildren. He still wants to believe that he is your first, only and best.
Yes, you need to show a man that other men are also courting you and that you have not yet “been in circulation” and are very interested in the opposite sex. But at the same time, there is no need to compare, let alone talk about close, intimate relationships with other men! In a word, you can talk about your fans, but not about those men with whom you had a close relationship. It's very repulsive! I already wrote about this in an article.
Even if you think about your former men(or a man) and you really want to talk about it, then there are girlfriends for this. Every man is an owner, and you need to take this into account. Unless, of course, you want another man to quickly lose interest in you and disappear from your life. If the man himself asks you about past relationships, try to get away from the topic.
No need to build an important person out of yourself, be simpler. And never tell your man about your exes, about how many of them you had and what they did for you. Always remember that this information can someday turn against you!
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