Child age: 15 years

My son plays the computer a lot and doesn’t know how to spend money

A painful problem for many, probably parents. My son is 15 years old, he is not interested in anything other than computer games, and, as a result, all of his friends, and these are 2 friends (only) are also gamers. From childhood I tried to find interesting activities for my son, but in the end, after trying several sports clubs, he never settled on anything, for various reasons. He likes to stay at home (“he has no one to go out with”) and doesn’t go outside, all his friends also sit at home playing games. I try to limit it, distract it, but as soon as I get home, it’s immediately a computer, or a phone, or a TV, one thing that is available for viewing, since from time to time I limit it in some way. Now we are studying with tutors, they ask a lot, since we are preparing for admission, but there is no diligence, the task is to do quickly, what works and what does not, we put off until we discuss it with the teacher. She tries to fulfill my requests, but also quickly, as long as she does it without conflict. I am very worried that he is very driven and susceptible to other people’s influence. I was glad when his classmate was doing workout and gathered the guys around him, got interested, and they devoted their free time to this activity, but for medical reasons the guy was forbidden to do it and the circle disbanded, I tried to keep the flame alive, but everyday problems, work, there was not always time and my son again plunged into being a homebody and the computer. I cannot completely remove and prohibit turning on the computer, since he is subscribed to an online course on preparation for the OGE and webinars are held, and he receives various notifications on his phone about classes, and he needs to monitor, so I am at a dead end. I can’t devote maximum time, since I work and come home at seven in the evening, my father is not there, since they are divorced, my grandmother cannot cope with him, since she does not perceive her (we have a separate sore point with my grandmother), my sister is an adult, and she works in another city. I’m very afraid for him, because he’s so old, his character is weak-willed, he listens to everyone, doesn’t want to offend, until computer games, then maybe alcohol and more serious games. And yet, I got so carried away that I forgot to write another important problem for me. My son loves money very much; when he was little, he was caught taking money more than once; once he took gold jewelry and carried it in his bag, until I discovered it and had serious conversations with him. Now, of course, the consciousness has come that he cannot do, that he cannot touch, but with great pleasure he wants and does everything to earn money, now in the summer he went to work, but he does not keep the money, he spends it quickly and, of course, on the purchase of various points or statuses in games. I had a conversation with him about the harm of gambling for money, how to save your capital, what you earned, they even put part of the salary on the card, of course, they left it for pocket money, for treats, but when I asked him about the money, he said, which he has already spent on all sorts of goodies, but I suspect on games, although I forbade him to do so. Pocket money should be for going to the cinema, summer events, for snacks, gambling for money - this is taboo. He listens, agrees, but does it in his own way, of course, I can’t check, but I feel it was on games that I spent the money. Please tell me what to do in this case, I really want to captivate him with something useful, interesting, and so that in the future this attitude towards games and money does not turn into a mania, an addiction. Please give me advice on what else can be done on my part, as a mother, to protect my son. Thank you.

Irina

Irina, hello!

There is a lot of anxiety, worry and points in your letter that are worth paying attention to. Therefore, I will try to answer you as efficiently and usefully as possible. But I ask you to seek an in-person consultation with a psychologist in order to work on your own personality. It is with parents that children's problems begin. And that's why.

You write that your son is “only” two friends. This is an assessment, and a clearly negative one. It reads as if this is not enough. But for whom? For you? But we’re talking about our son and he’s good about it. After all, he doesn’t ask for help in finding friends, right? Everyone decides for himself how many friends he will have, with whom to communicate and how close these relationships will be. Allow your son to live his own life, not meet your expectations and make his own decisions.

Further, limiting does not mean solving the problem. It is important to show an alternative, give the maximum number of ways to spend time and allow the son to choose for himself. I anticipate your objection: but he chooses games! Let's figure out why. In general, the mechanism of passion for computer games is that the child feels discomfort/stress in real life and is looking for a way to solve the problem. He finds it in replacing reality with the virtual world and lives calmly until reality reminds him of itself (ban from parents, exams, etc.). It’s not enough to find another hobby, you need:

a) find an alternative way to relax and relieve stress;
b) exclude the traumatic factor in reality.

Next is the need for separation. Your son is already an adult and he needs independence (of course, not complete, but rather about the need to make decisions himself and be responsible for them). Now the child is learning to be an adult, he makes mistakes - this is normal, but freedom must be given. Take it for granted that your son is entering, and not you are doing it with him and preparing for exams.

You write that he is a follower, but at the same time he still finds points that he is ready to conquer even if you do not approve. Apparently the boy simply adapted and learned to choose/set priorities. Your task is to support where your son is independent, even if you don’t like his decision. In essence, you yourself teach him to “listen” and “submit.” Just look at his salary situation. He has earned money and it is up to him to decide how and where to spend it. But you insist that he give in and let you lead him.

Besides, you don’t trust your son, the child senses it. You need to learn to trust him, only this way you will have a trusting, close relationship.

One last important point: note that you are not worried about the current situation, but about a possible problem in the future. That is, it does not exist in reality. This is why it is difficult for you to speak the same language with your child. He thinks in the present, this is normal for a teenager. You shouldn't program him for mania. Trust the boy, understand that you have a strong, smart guy who will not be offended and will never make a choice in favor of the game. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to relax any other way. And as soon as you help him with this, the question will immediately disappear.

I hope I gave you an understanding of what direction to move in. Best wishes!

Olga Dorokhova,
psychologist of the site “I am a parent”

The more psychological barriers a child has in everyday real life, the faster and deeper he will plunge into virtual reality.
Computers have rapidly introduced themselves into the life of modern people. Today it has become common to see that a person interacts with a computer constantly - at work, at home, in the car and even on an airplane. Gradually, the computer is becoming an integral part of the life of not only adults, but also children. Many parents believe that it is better for their child to sit at home at the computer in front of them than to go out with bad company. Thus, the child receives free and unlimited access to the computer.
Indeed, computer games have become an exciting activity for many preschoolers, schoolchildren, students and adults. Preschoolers are sometimes no longer interested in ordinary toys as before; they strive to get home quickly, because the treasured game awaits them there. Schoolchildren skip classes only because they spent the whole night watching the screen and did not have time to prepare for lessons, which become less important than the level of the game passed. And during breaks at school, one of the most pressing topics now is the topic of computer games and the number of points for them.
The need for play as such is characteristic of a person throughout his life. During the game, an unconscious cognitive need is satisfied, as a result of which the child receives pleasure. Non-role-playing logic and educational games occupy a certain place among computer games. Children's perception is structured in such a way that associations and play are needed to remember and assimilate information. If you use computer games within reasonable limits (no more than 1 hour a day with breaks every 15-20 minutes for a child 6-9 years old) and not to the detriment of other aspects of the child’s life, then they can bring positive results: they will teach children counting and a foreign alphabet , will strengthen concentration, improve mental operations, decision-making processes, will contribute to the formation of artistic imagination, and will help develop reaction speed.
At the same time, a child who prefers only computer games, even educational ones, to all other entertainment and hobbies, is at risk of developing many serious problems. Studies have shown that if a child under 10 years of age is addicted to a computer, this can slow down his development, both physical and mental. Sitting at his favorite computer toy, such a child begins to lead a lifestyle that is not typical for this age, excluding the necessary physical activity, the development of a wide range of emotional reactions, knowledge of the world around him, the formation of communication skills in communication and in ordinary children's games with peers. Psychologists believe that up to 10-11 years of age, it is much more beneficial for the development of children to engage in sports, outdoor games (bowling, football, volleyball), music, drawing, hiking, roller skating, skating, skiing, and cycling. It should also be borne in mind that it is difficult for children to observe “measure” in the game, because Their self-regulation processes are not yet sufficiently formed, which means it is difficult for them to limit the time they play on the computer, take breaks on time, and monitor their diet.
Many electronic games involve not only solving logical problems, but also a certain emotional load, which, in fact, underlies most cases of pathological attachment to games. Electronic games differ significantly in genre and content.
The least dangerous are the so-called arcade games, with simple graphics and sound. These games, as a rule, “kill time”; they cannot evoke long-term affection.
Another thing is role-playing games, during which the player “reincarnates” into the hero he controls and is immersed in his world. In such games, the sense of reality can be very great and hold the player’s attention for a long time.
The greatest danger is posed by “shooters”, which are characterized by a very primitive plot based on violence. Such games can negatively affect the child’s psyche and cause him to become overly aggressive.
Factors that contribute to a child’s addiction to a computer game:
- the presence of his own world, to which no one except himself has access;
— lack of responsibility;
— realistic processes and complete abstraction from the outside world;
— the ability to correct any error through repeated attempts;
— the ability to independently make any decisions (within the game), regardless of what they may lead to.
It has been established that role-playing computer games, to a greater extent than non-role-playing games, allow a person to escape reality into the virtual world. Children and adolescents who have not been able to realize themselves in everyday life, in role-playing computer games take on the role of a computer character, identify with him and get the opportunity, through a new role for themselves, to satisfy those needs that remain unsatisfied in real life. Following this, the more the child begins to play, the more distinct and important the differences between real life and virtual life become for him. Gradually, the game turns into a means of compensating for his life problems: satisfying the thirst for adventure, the desire to reduce emotional and psychological stress caused by broken relationships in the family and/or with peers, the need to avoid physical and/or emotional violence, avoiding problems associated with school failure, desire to relax and unwind, etc.

Stages of psychological dependence on computer games.
Stage of mild infatuation. After a teenager has played a role-playing computer game one or more times, he begins to “get a taste”, he begins to like computer graphics, sound, and the very fact of simulating real life or some kind of fantasy plots. The computer allows a teenager to realize his dreams with a fairly close proximity to reality. The teenager begins to play, no longer accidentally finding himself at the computer; the desire for gaming activity takes on some purposefulness. However, the specificity of this stage is that playing computer games is more situational than systematic. A stable, constant need for play has not been formed at this stage; play is not yet a significant value.
Infatuation stage. A factor indicating the transition of a teenager to this stage of addiction formation is the emergence of a new need in the hierarchy of needs - playing computer games. The game at this stage takes on a systematic character. If a teenager does not have constant access to a computer, i.e. the satisfaction of a need is inhibited by some circumstances; quite active actions are possible to eliminate these circumstances.
Dependency stage. This stage is characterized by a change in self-esteem and self-awareness. The game completely replaces the real world. Dependence can take one of two forms: socialized and individualized. The socialized form of gaming addiction is characterized by maintaining social contacts with society (albeit mainly with the same gaming fans). Such teenagers love to play together, to play with each other using a computer network. Game motivation is mainly competitive in nature. This form of addiction is less harmful in its impact on the child’s psyche than the individualized form. Teenagers do not break away from the external environment, do not withdraw “into themselves”; the social environment, although consisting of the same fans, still, as a rule, does not allow a person to completely break away from reality, “go away” into the virtual world and lead himself to mental and somatic disorders.
Attachment stage. This stage is characterized by the fading of play activity, a shift in the psychological content of the individual as a whole towards the norm. A person “keeps his distance” from a computer, but cannot completely break away from his psychological attachment to computer games. This is the longest of all stages - it can last a lifetime, depending on the rate at which the attachment fades. Computer games have a short history, but there are only a few cases of complete extinction of addiction. A person can stop forming an addiction at one of the previous stages, then the addiction fades away faster.
Teenage computer addiction is further strengthened by global networks, where teenagers no longer play with a computer, but with millions of living people whom they do not identify behind printed texts. The network is also a sublimate of role-playing games. Here the “player” comes up with his own character, i.e. himself, passing off his imagined self to thousands of interlocutors as his real self.
The “player” no longer acts according to the laws described by programmers and designers, but according to the rules invented by himself. The awareness of the infinity of the network space, impunity and the huge number of participants in the process constantly pushes a child or teenager to create and describe their own rules of behavior, to make decisions that are generally not related to real life.
Signs of computer addiction:
- when parents ask to take a break from playing on the computer, the child demonstrates an acute emotional protest;
- the child becomes irritated when forced to be distracted;
- the child cannot plan the end of the game on the computer;
— the child constantly asks for money to update computer software and purchase new games;
- the child forgets about household chores and preparing homework;
- the child’s daily routine, eating and sleeping patterns are disrupted, he stops taking care of his own health;
- in order to constantly keep himself awake, the child begins to abuse coffee and other energy drinks;
— eating occurs without interruption from playing on the computer;
- a feeling of emotional uplift while playing on the computer;
— limiting communication to constant discussion of computer topics with others;
- impatience, anticipation and thinking ahead about your return to the computer.
The appearance of such signs may be accompanied by disturbances in the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract, pain in the spine, shoulder blades, and wrists. In addition, regular irritation of the eyeballs can contribute to headaches and vision problems. Insomnia and nervous exhaustion often develop.
Facts that should alert parents:
— the child began to eat, drink, and study homework without leaving the computer;
— the child began to spend nights at the computer;
— the child began to skip school in order to play on the computer;
- as soon as the child returns home, he immediately goes to the computer;
- the child forgets to eat, brush his teeth, comb his hair, change clothes (which was not noticed before);
- the child is in an irritated, aggressive state, does not know what to do if the computer is broken;
- a child blackmails or threatens if he is forbidden to play on the computer.
A few recommendations for parents:
1. Build family relationships on the principles of honesty and the ability to admit mistakes.
2. Do not insult the child and his social circle.
3. Be a friend and helper to your child.
4. Make sure that your child can trust you always and under any circumstances.
5. Don’t be afraid to show your feelings to your child if you are upset about the current “computer” situation. Then he will see you not as an enemy, but as a loved one who also needs care.
6. If suddenly a conflict arises, which is expressed in an orderly tone on your part about stopping work at the computer, then you should not bargain with the child, you must clearly state your position and explain it.
7. You should always agree on the time your child will play on the computer and strictly adhere to these limits. The amount of time should be chosen based on the age characteristics of the child. For example, it is not recommended to allow a child under 5 years of age to access a computer; it is worth encouraging him to explore the world without the mediation of electronics. From the age of 6, a child can begin to get acquainted with a computer (15-20 minutes a day). For a teenager 10-12 years old, it is advisable to do it no more than 2 hours a day and not in a row, but for 15-20 minutes with breaks.
8. It is strictly forbidden to play computer games before bedtime.
9. It is necessary to instill in the child an interest in active games and physical exercises so that he feels joy from it.
10. It is necessary to ensure that playing on a computer does not replace real communication with peers, friends and loved ones.
11. You should discuss games with your child and choose educational games.
12. Do not protect your child from the computer at all, since this is an integral part of the future in which the child will live.

Reading time: 2 min

Computer addiction in adolescents is a pathological addiction to the computer with maximum time spent on it. For the first time, some experts started talking about this addiction in the 80s of the last century, but many never recognized this diagnosis. But the fact remains that people’s obsessive, pathological addiction to spending most of their time at the computer is more obvious and therefore problematic every year in modern society. Particularly alarming is the fact that teenagers are more likely to become addicted to computers.

Computer addiction in adolescents comes in several forms: gambling addiction and Internet addiction. At the moment, treatment for computer addiction has not even been properly developed, and many parents are left alone with this frightening phenomenon.

Causes of computer addiction in teenagers

There are several reasons for computer addiction. A computer is a powerful tool for processing and storing information, and therefore this feature becomes attractive to many individuals. But computer addiction in adults cannot compare with the catastrophe that occurs in adolescents who need specific treatment for this condition. For a teenager, as a thinking person, access to information is of great importance, and the wider it is, the more attractive it is.

Researchers have discovered an alarming fact: the age of active computer use is increasingly decreasing, and today few people can be surprised that 6-year-old children handle technology better than many adults.

Parents, having given unlimited access to a computer, at first are happy when the child is always at home, sits quietly, and does not interfere with his business and relaxation. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this, because the sooner a person learns the basics of working with a computer, the better it will be, but there are alarming statistics indicating a new disease - computer addiction. This is due to the fact that the teenage psyche has not yet formed and is very vulnerable, because it is not without reason that teenagers instantly become addicted to bad habits.

The problem of computer addiction among teenagers arose most acutely during the period of rapid development of information technology and modern children generally cannot imagine their life, leisure time and study without a computer. Psychologists are sounding the alarm that computer games cause addiction, which is an analogue of drugs. Currently, the computer ranks first in importance in the life of a teenager.

How to wean a teenager off the computer or at least distract him? This interests many parents. Adults need to tell children about their experiences, but without using prohibitions, reading morals and causing scandals. Such methods are effective for ten-year-old children, but not for sixteen-year-old adolescents.

Symptoms of computer addiction in teenagers

The child’s mood, perception of the world around him, and daily routine quickly change. Computer games replace food and sleep, real communication with friends. Fatigue, irritability, isolation, secrecy, etc. appear. A child who spends a lot of time in front of the monitor forgets about his responsibilities, household chores, studies, meetings, agreements, hygiene and experiences a feeling of emotional uplift only during play.

Symptoms of gambling addiction in children include increasing screen time; complete concentration on the game, refusal to spend time with friends, inability to control oneself, failure to keep promises to parents about finishing the game, forgetfulness, withdrawal syndrome - the inability to sit down at the monitor causes rage, crying, withdrawal.

Separately, physical symptoms are noted in those suffering from computer addiction. These are headaches, dry eyes, back pain, weight loss, changes in sleep patterns.

What attracts children to a virtual game? Online games give children a sense of competition that creates excitement. Thus, children develop an addiction to the computer; this happens especially quickly if the child is successful in a virtual game, but not in real life. Role-playing games are dangerous for suggestible children who copy the behavior of their heroes. It is necessary for adults to take a closer look at what games their offspring plays. Modern virtual games are made so well that for a person with a low level of criticality the line between its imitation and reality is blurred.

Signs of computer addiction in teenagers

Computer gaming addiction is dangerous due to its serious consequences. Being in the virtual world, a teenager is never practically able to adequately control real time and is late everywhere: he misses classes, skips school.

The problem of computer addiction in adolescents appears in the form of aggression that arises during games. If something doesn’t work out for a child, a storm of emotions arises, the psyche is destabilized, and the psyche is also shaken. The teenager transfers all the negativity into the real world.

The problem of virtual communication also manifests itself in the fact that the child’s personality becomes very disappointed in real life, in which not everything is so simple, but when communicating with a computer, sooner or later everything begins to work out for the child.

Signs of computer addiction can be expressed in visual impairment, vitamin deficiency, poor diet (quick snacks), failure to observe personal hygiene rules, etc.

There are different types of addictions among teenagers: Internet addiction and gambling addiction. Computer game addiction varies depending on the type of game. There are role-playing, strategic, non-role-playing games (arcades, flash games, puzzles) and gambling.

Treatment of computer addiction in adolescents

Due to the fact that computer addiction negatively affects the child’s psyche, it is considered a serious danger, and if this process is not stopped in time, then a lot of problems will subsequently appear that will have to be eliminated with the help of a psychotherapist.

What should parents do if they have a computer gaming addiction? There is no point in scolding or punishing a teenager, since there will be aggression and hysteria in response. A teenager should be rid of addiction correctly. Parents need to understand that they will not be able to rid their child of the computer forever. Subsequently, computer knowledge will play a positive role: the child will study more successfully and prepare for exams, but it is still necessary to reduce the influence of the computer. Parents should talk about the dangers of sitting for long periods of time in front of a screen.

Often, computer gaming addiction turns into a clear problem at the age of 10, and therefore adults should monitor the time the child spends in front of the monitor so that a painful addiction does not arise. It is necessary to engage the child in other activities in parallel with the computer: sports, creativity, travel, outings. If a child is addicted to games, then it is recommended that parents diversify his life with games of a developmental or sports nature and participate in them themselves, for example, Management, football, volleyball, tennis, badminton, swimming, martial arts.

You should limit your child's Internet use and set time limits. Teenagers can be allowed to sit in front of a monitor for up to 2 hours a day.

Treatment of computer addiction in a teenager is a rather long and difficult process that requires the participation of the child and parents. After a teenager refuses to play games, it is necessary to fill the void created in life with some kind of creativity or activity, a new hobby. A teenager should be treated tactfully from Internet addiction; computer use should not be completely prohibited. A child will not feel comfortable if he feels different from everyone else, giving up the computer completely. However, it is also impossible to allow a child to constantly play without rules and time limits. Often, children's personalities involved in the computer turn into withdrawal, lose interest in education, stop communicating, and show aggression towards loved ones.

If a teenager increasingly asks to be left alone, but he skips classes at school, sits all night at the computer, does not get enough sleep, refuses to eat, then all the signs of computer addiction are visible. Attempts to free oneself from this addiction often lead to depression, which recedes after the child returns to the usual sitting at the monitor. In this case, a psychotherapist will be an assistant in curing computer addiction.

Many parents doubt the need to treat a teenager’s computer addiction, classifying it as a hobby. Addiction is dangerous because adolescents of this age period (14-16 years) are at the most difficult stage of their development, which can cause various psychological problems to arise in the future. Instead, a teenager sits all the time at the computer, when he should begin to build his first relationships with the opposite sex, set meaningful goals for himself, and look for his place in society. The best decision for computer gaming addiction is to seek help from specialists who will give valuable recommendations and begin effective treatment. Treatment for this condition is based on experience in addiction therapy.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Hello! My son constantly plays aggressive computer games. Due to the fact that my husband and I are very busy, I cannot constantly monitor the child. But I began to notice that he had become very nervous and aggressive towards blast furnaces and cruel towards pets. I think computer games are to blame for this, since they all involve war or murder. When I tried to talk to him somehow and said that it was necessary to reduce the time he played on the computer, he became terribly nervous and did not talk to me for several days. Radical measures, deleting games, for example, also do not help. How can you distract a child?

First, you need to distract yourself from your very important work, which replaces your communication with your son. There is no work in the world that would be more important than human life, and even more so when it comes to the well-being of your own child. The fact is that gaming addiction (addiction to computer games) is recognized as just as dangerous as drug or alcohol addiction. If a child has no other stronger stimuli other than bloody shooters, then the child’s psyche quite easily gets used to such “food”, which is also served regularly and in large quantities. It is necessary to start “treating” your son from cruel and aggressive games not by reducing the time he plays on the computer, but by starting to seriously study his inner world and his life. With this you will need the help of a professional psychologist. It is quite possible that you will discover a person whom you did not notice nearby or underestimated. Of course, you will need patience and faith in your son. Or you may even have to reconsider your pedagogical approaches to the child, which led to a distance in relation. Which formed the boy’s “departure” into the virtual world, where he can win, take revenge, punish, humiliate and always survive. It will take a lot of internal work on yourself and the support of the whole family; it is important that all family members are in solidarity with you and follow the same line of behavior. Everything will work out if you are ready to offer your child a useful but important alternative to computer games. This could be sports, creativity, science, construction and more, but here it is important to be close to your son, support him, and sincerely rejoice at his results. Participate in his life with interest and love!